And the Sky is Deeper than a Dream
by EqualDemise731
Summary: My arms no longer sting from my slashes. But sometimes when I look outside, I see that the sky Is; Deep. It looks really deep. Like a large body of water calling me. Is it possible to fall into the sky? If so, then The sky is deeper than a dream. -Warning: substance abuse and self injury. May cause triggering.-
1. And the Sky is Deeper than a Dream

And the Sky is Deeper than a Dream

_There is always a tragedy happening. Sometimes you're bullied in school because you're different. Sometimes a loved one dies. Sometimes you're an addict or you're lost in your imaginary world. People victims of a tragedy would wish that the bad things were all dreams, even the ones who dream in a dream. I do too. Maybe you imagine up a family, a bright sunny home with a playful dog named Spot and a cute cat named fluffy, and the classic parents still madly in love. I imagine that sometimes too. But to tell you, my life is-_

I awoke to yelling, crashing of cheap plates, the harsh sound of fists contacting skin and doors slamming. My aunt was fighting with this week's boyfriend and it's barely ten p.m. It's way too early for them to be fighting. Curiously I wandered out of bed to listen to what would happen next. Suddenly my bed room door burst opened causing the picture frames on my wall to clatter. It was frightening to see that man stagger into my room; the stench of alcohol reeked from this man; his eyes blood shot and filled with angered, I needed to get away from him, because I knew what he was about to do. Too much in shock I couldn't move from where I stood then I screamed when the man grabbed me and took me to the floor, then dragged me to my bed. I started kicking but my tired limbs gave up. The man was very greedy. I could feel the man's hands groping every inch of skin as my pajamas were ripped to pieces. The stench of alcohol and cigarette made my stomach churn; I had no strength to push this man, three times my size, off me.

My body was tired. I don't remember the last time I ate. My energy diminished. I looked over at my wall where the picture frames hung crooked. Just pictures of two blond children with smiles, just pictures of a family of four, a crack hid the facial features of the two adults. My throat burned from screaming and I let myself go numb. After I heard the man's buckle, I heard the front door slam; I thought it would be my aunt here to make up with this drunken man above me.

I may have not been born the luckiest girl, but I felt lucky when Alfred my twin came home from work early. Alfred moved in a blur, he swung a baseball bat to the man's head. It was a loud 'thwunk' and I saw the man's body fall from my bed in slow motion. I wrapped my arms around my nude frame and though my throat burned I screamed at no one. It was traumatizing, but I really did want that man to be battered to death. It wouldn't be the first time I saw a corpse in front of me, prior of it breathing seconds earlier.

The police came and questioned everything. My body was still numb but I could feel hot tears down my cheeks as I spat out everything that happened. I went to the hospital for a shattered wrist and was told by the intimidating female officer that Alfred would not be arrested for manslaughter or battery, he was innocent. Maybe innocent for what he did for me though.

The hospital was massive, I saw many people there for common sickness like the flu or common injuries like broken limbs. I wandered for a bit, thinking that taking a walk would ease my shaking knees, but no. I got up to the up levels of the hospital. I heard women screaming while giving birth, the cries of the newborns, I saw the nurses smiling at terminally ill children, and a doctor covering a man's face with a white sheet. I knew the hospital was a place of life and death, where the sickness can or cannot be cured, where people can or cannot be saved from life threating injuries, this place is a heaven and hell. I should wait in the waiting room, Alfred should be here soon.

* * *

School was in the morning, and I had no desire to go. I'd be better off staying in my brother's room crying. The effects of last night was finally kicking in, I went into full panic mode, alone.

There wasn't much of a cure to this sudden panic attack, I paced back and forth in Alfred's messy room hyperventilating. I felt like was going crazy or in other words dying, but I couldn't escape. The only one I could talk to was the girl in my diary, me. Without anyone to comfort me I wrote in my diary nonstop. It helped a bit.

_-My arms no longer sting from my slashes. But sometimes when I look outside, I see that the sky Is; Deep. It looks really deep. Like a large body of water calling me. Is it possible to fall into the sky? If so, then The sky is deeper than a dream.- Sincerely yours Madeline Williams ^-^_

I signed my name with swirls and a happy face. Sighing I lay back down on my twin's messy mattress falling asleep.

"You can go back tomorrow or the day after, okay?"

"*sniffles* okay"

After a few days, I was able to gather the courage to go. Putting my hair in low pigtails with red ribbons, I stared at my reflection. I looked like crap. My eyes are puffy from crying and dark from the lack of sleep, and I'm a lot paler than usual. At least my invisibility and rarity of friends will help a lot. Moving on to the dressing part, I didn't want to look in the mirror again, I was afraid to look at the rest of myself. I knew that I could see my ribs, I knew that I was starving, and I knew that my slashes won't help my image any further. Carefully I slipped on my school uniform. It was just a blue knee high skirt and a white button long sleeve dress shirt, and I struggled with the tying the tie.

"Here, let me." Alfred entered the small bathroom to brush his teeth. "Are you gonna be alright? You can stay home again. I can let the principle kno-"

"No, its fine Alfie." I gave him a weak smile. "Everything, will be okay, I'm sure of it."

"Maddie! Get in here!" I winced at her aunt's voice. She was furious.

Taking baby steps to the kitchen where I knew my aunt started to grow impatient, I could hear her foot tapping rapidly. I could only do my usual whispered "Y-yes?"

"You little brat, You got me put in jail. You got my boyfriend killed. You damn brat, I don't want you here anymore." My aunt shoved her maroon nail in my face. I couldn't hold back tears. "Get out!"

My aunt has yelled at me before, beaten me, kicked me out many times, but this time, it was too much. I couldn't handle her awful voice, her bad habits. I don't want to be like her. Immediately I ran to my room and threw whatever I owned into a pale blue duffle bag. I guess it is best if I just leave. Where will I go? I picked up my stuffed polar bear. "Oh Kuma, what do I do?"

"Maddie, please don't listen to her. She's just an idiot. You don't have to leave."

"I can't stand living here anymore Alfred. I just can't!" I shook my head violently until I fell to my knees and started crying. For many reasons I felt that I could easily just go into the kitchen and take my aunt's gun from her bra, then shoot myself right before her eyes. She will be happy I bet but I don't want to please that woman. "I can't. Please. I can't."

"Maddie. We-we'll go somewhere. I don't know where, but we'll go." I felt Alfred grip my shoulders, it didn't hurt. My brother is so gentle with me.

I wiped my eyes with my cotton sleeve. "O-o-okay."

Alfred went into his room and packed all his things. At least we didn't own a lot of things, only the basics; clothes, tooth brush and CDs.

"Okay, um we can call the lady who signed us over to crazy" Alfred was talking about the stern woman from the social service place. I thought people from a different company where supposed to take care of our whereabouts, but I guess not.

"S-s-sounds g-great." I couldn't help but stutter.

Two weeks later, Alfred and I found ourselves in front of a huge school. It was an academy. Hetalia Academy.

This feels like a dream. Will I wake up and return to my nightmare?

* * *

And there is the rewrite! Its edited and more was added... How do you feel about this?

PM or review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.


	2. Home is Where the Heart Is

**Hello...**

**To Anon: Yes, well I really did want to post up the next chappie, but when I went back and read all the chappies, I thought, "Imna edit all of these." I do apologize for restarting the story, but I really did need to get them edited. I have a beta but I don't know how that works. So instead I asked a couple of friends to edit them. But hopefully by the next weekend or the week after all would be posted back up and fairly edit.**

**NOW readers. Read this!**

* * *

_Little Madeline looked out the window. Houses passed by, some looked nice some didn't, but the neighborhood was in terrible shape. She saw groups of people in saggy clothes, young girls pushing strollers and kids playing in the street, all these people didn't look like the people on TV. She put her gaze at her twin brother. Alfred looked very excited. "Auntie, where are we going?"_

_"For the last time, we're going to our new home. Now shut up and listen to Sex Pistols!" Their aunt, a woman of aggression and addiction was their guardian. She had a cigarette burned voice and the attitude of an angry teenage girl even though she's in her mid-twenties. The woman took a deep drag from her Winston* and turned up the radio. The song 'Gallow Is God' blared through the speakers. "This is real music okay both of you? I don't want to hear any hip-hop or techno crap, unless it's industrial!"_

_The twins nodded letting their wild blonde locks bounce around. Their aunt put the vehicle to a sudden stop then she turned in her seat with her cigarette dangling between her fingers "Well here we are. Now get your butts out and unload!"_

_Their new home was a wrecked suburban home of the seventies. Its paint was the color of piss, the grass badly maintained, even the garage looked like there was a family of raccoons living in there. Madeline hesitated; she wondered what the inside was like. Their aunt left the car and yelled over her shoulder to hurry and bring the things inside._

_Alfred held the car door open for little Madeline. Then he ran around to the back of the station wagon to retrieve the belongings. Madeline examined the concrete beneath her feet. It looked like someone was killed, the blood stained there, never being cleaned, and from the looks of it, the previous owner used the area as a toilet, and oil drainage._

_"Maddie?" Her twin brother's concern voice startled her. "You okay?"_

_"Y-yeah. This place is just…different." Madeline awkwardly whispered, then pulling out some duffle bags from the trunk. "R-ready?"_

_The twins slowly entered the home. The first thing Madeline noticed was the carpet, it was the color of shit brown, some horrifying looking stains and what looked like gum spotted the floor. The wallpaper wrinkled with olive green stripes and a tine of orange flowers. A damp moldy smell hung in the air._

_"Where's that girl?" Their aunt emerged from the kitchen holding a warm Old Milwaukee._

_"Right here!" Eagerly smiling Alfred nudged his twin with a free elbow. Her aunt looked at her in surprise. Then she quickly walked over like she was ready to kick the child in the face. Madeline winced when the taller woman knelt down to face level._

_"Alife, get out of our little space" She monotonously ordered. Taking a loud gulp of her beer, she wiped her lips. "I want you to get my black bag on the passenger side of the car, and take out my needles and the little squares, then come back in here and prepare it for me. Okay sweetie?"_

_"O-okay."_

_Madeline carefully dug through the black bag. There were tons of things in there like, pocket knives, pill containers, shoe laces, pipes, there was even a gun in there. Madeline knew not to play with all those things, after last time when she thought a vitamin looking pill with an animal design was candy, then finding herself in the hospital for 'accidentally getting into auntie's medication'. She found what she was looking for, a case filled with needles and aluminum squares with white powder inside it. A large white dually truck loaded with the basic home necessities: couches, tables, a TV, and mattresses. The little blonde girl quickly walked inside to tell her aunt that her 'friends' are here._

_"Good, now prepare four, and this is for you!" Her aunt patted Madeline's wave messy hair, and put something in her mouth. To make her 'feel' better. She placed the case of needles down on the old ash colored counter. A small J.D cap and drops of water mix in the powdery contents. A lighter. Finally the cotton ball. "Auntie, I'm finished." She didn't hear her. Madeline left the contents on the counter, she started to not feel anything._

_The little blonde girl made her way down the hall to where Alfred has claimed their room. She felt heavy, relaxed, she felt that there was nothing around her, and then laid her head down on a lumpy duffle bag. She closed her eyes, deep into sleep._

* * *

"Welcome to Hetalia Academy. I hope both of you will like our school. We have the nicest students, great cafeteria, fun classes, and comfy dorms." A tall middle aged man stood in front of Alfred and Madeline in a tan suit. He spoke like he was advertising a commercial.

Welcome to hell for a day or a lifetime. I giggled when Alfred grumbled his silly comment. I know he dislikes school, but I'm sure he'll like it here at this one. The tall man in front of us is the dean, and it seems like he heard Alfred because he ceased his speech.

"Well son, this place is better than public school and you kids will be safe here." The dean patted Alfred's shoulder then patted Madeline's head; she winced at the sudden contact. Alfred grabbed Madeline's hand giving it an assuring squeeze "You'll be treated like my own children. Lots of food and respect!"

Alfred fist pumped at the mention of food.

Alfred and the dean walked towards the main building as I stood lingering. I thought of that word. Safe. Will I be safe here? Does that mean I'm supposed to be happy? Am I going to make friends? There were questions I wanted to ask someone who knew, but only I wouldn't know if I did try, right? But the thought of making friends, it made me nervous. I'll admit it, I never really had friends and I'm too socially awkward. Usually I get really nervous when someone talks to me, I worry I might be judged, that I might not be liked and I would be hated.

The girl's dorm seemed massive from where I stood, it was four stories. The outside was made of red brown brick with tall windows. This place seemed really old fashion on the outside until I passed through the glass doors. Inside it looked modern. With the white walls and the sun shining through the tall windows I felt like was back in the old church where those nuns temporarily took care of us.

Somehow I found my way up to the room where I was to stay. It took me a while but I found it on the third floor. Inside the wall was white, mid-way down the wall it turns into oak brown. I like the ceiling the most, it's smooth like it's never been pricked with thumbtacks or tape. Two beds lined either side of the wall. To the left was the bathroom, it looked clean white! The bed near the bathroom seemed like the bed of my roommate. It has so many pretty looking colors. Now that I scan her side of the room, she might be Asian. Her bed is just a mattress on the floor with lots of pretty blankets. There's a lamp in the shape of a tiny tree, what were those trees called? I'll have to ask my new roommate when I meet her! And look posters of anime! She's an anime lover? I am always curious about anime! I can't wait to meet her.

"Hello Are you my new roommate?" I heard a soft voice behind me. Turning on my heel, I was excited to meet my roomie.

"Hello." I can see that she is Japanese. "M-my name is Madeline Williams"

"I'm Sakura Honda, pleasure to meet you Madeline" She had her hair in a short bob that framed her jaw and straight cut bangs that made her eyes somehow pop out. I noticed she was at least 5'1 as I stood a few more inches taller than she.

"Maddie! Why do you have a bunch of stuff! I didn't even you had this many things!" My twin entered the room out of breath. "Oh, hello! I'm Maddie's twin brother Alfred! I'm also a hero!"

I giggled at Sakura's confused expression. "Hero? Oh, My name is Sakura. Nice to meet you, Alfred"

Alfred seems tired. "Here Alfie, Let me take this bag, and you can set the rest on the floor. And also I think you should get settled in."

"Alrighty Maddie-o! Remember I'm in room um… 79! See you soon!"

Smiling I closed the door. Looking back at Sakura she gave me a small smile. "Well its lunch right now, would you like me to show you around?"

"Yes, that would help a lot!" I looked back at my luggage. "I'll have to get settled in first."

"Hai! I'll go get us our lunch and bring it up."

"Thank you!" I chirped.

Sakura left me alone in the room. Closing the door, I huffed, and dug through the bag in my hand. There was a small hand held radio. Popping in a cassette labeled 'Sleeping Where I Want' then turning up to the highest volume, I was ready to settle in. My favorite song played from my mix tape, *Daydream. Somehow I love the way Alternative bands of the nineties express their music, it makes me feel really safe and it's a haven for me. I never really liked the pop music either, just a few thought, like The Cure, or maybe P!nk. I guess I picked that up from my aunt who endlessly listened to this kind of music.

"Okay, what's first. Oh, sheets." Pulling out a red comforter, it fitted nicely onto the bed. My pillow white of course, and two blankets, one is a red, which is thick, and my other is white with maple leaves, it is thin, were placed neatly on the bed. My wall looks blank; luckily I brought some nice posters. First goes the Canadian flag!

Carefully choosing a space to put the flag, I decided to place it right next to my bed. "My daydreams, screams bitter til' the end, the love I share, true, selfish to the heart"

Singing along until there was an angry knock on the door, I was surprised someone is here to complain already. There was yelling on the other side.

"Y-yes?"

"Can you turn that crap down! I'm trying to finish some work!" A short Asian girl burst through the door pointing an accusing finger at my face.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know you disliked this kind of music. M-my name is Madeline, I am new here!" I rapidly spat out an apology. I was not aware that an acoustic song by Smashing Pumpkins is considered crap, it's an acoustic song!

"Oh, so you're the new student?" It was hard not to laugh at the Asian's expression. Priceless. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. Oh and my name is Wang Yao by the way."

Chinese? Wow, is this floor filled with Asians? "Uh it's alright, but it's nice to meet you Wang Yao."

At least today a couple of people will notice me.

"Oh, hello Yao, did you come to meet Madeline-san?"

"Sakura you're back!" Yao glomped Sakura.

* * *

Madeline walked around the surprisingly large campus with Sakura and Wang Yao. The expedition was going great but Madeline felt that she was being watched otherwise stalked. The only person I can think of surveillance is Alfred. I bet he's just making sure I'm meeting the right people.

As odd as it may seem Madeline was smiling down at her feet. She told herself that maybe she can finally have a new start like she was promised many times. The sisters were talking away, asking Madeline about her old school, about her classes, and the usual girly stuff.

The school was rather large, with a variety of students from different countries. There were so many hallways, so many stairs, and so many candy machines, Madeline had to have all her classes far from each other. 'It'll be a workout!'

"Do you think you'll date anyone here?" Yao nudged Madeline on the side. She stopped in her steps. Madeline viewed into golden and brown orbs that appeared to be waiting for an answer.

"Date?" The thought of dating frightened Madeline. She didn't want to date anyone after her bad history with men; even if she never dated or had a relationship she was either terribly tormented by the boys from her old school, or molested or nearly raped by her aunt's so called 'guy friends'. "P-probably not."

"Well I bet you'll change your mind!" Yao again nudge Madeline's side. "Sakura here has a boiiifriend"

Sakura blushed. "Yao!"

"Our friend Maddie should know! I mean I did date someone but he transferred! Now tell our dear friend about lover boy Sakura!"

'Friend?' The word friend was foreign to her. She has never been called 'friend' just a 'lab partner' or 'gym partner' who was forgotten. It sounded very raw to repeat friend over and over in her head. Thinking the word made her want to say it. In her usual whisper voice while Yao and Sakura were having a sibling rivalry moment. "Friend"

"What was that Madeline?" Sakura face was pink.

"Ah nothing, sorry, what is your um boyfriend like?" The blonde girl awkwardly laughed that sounded more of a whimper.

Sakura's face was now hot pink. "W-well he likes cats-"

"Hey, Maddie! Making friends already? Neat! Heyyyy um Saaaakuuura right?" Alfred literally skipped up to the girl trio. His blue eyes were shimmering with enthusiasm.

The Japanese girl nodded with a slight smile. "Hai, hello again Alfred. This my elder sister, Wang Yao."

Yao loudly said 'elder' as Alfred laughed his 'heroic' laugh "Hiiiiii Yao!"

"Hello, so you're Madeline's twin brother? Hmm" The Chinese girl seemed to be scanning Alfred, tracing her golden eyes up then trailing off a different direction.

"Yao what's wrong?" Madeline was suddenly concern for Yao. She was eyeing him like he was guilty of a crime. Which I'm sure he is but she doesn't have to know that.

"That really tall guy has been following us since the dorm. Did you speak with him yet, um Alfred?" Yao pointed in the direction of the library. I saw the end of a scarf or jacket disappear behind the double doors.

"Uh yeah I think I did, Forgot his name though. Freakishly tall, with a sadistic smile, right?" He scratched his head then flicked his tongue like he was thinking too hard to remember.

Both Asians nodded in agreement. Madeline shrugged off his bizarre description.

"Does this guy think he's Patrick Bergin? Well why the hell is he following us? Does he have a thing for either of you?" Alfred loudly spat out question after question that it echoed throughout the large hallway. I tried to sink into the background but it was no use, Alfred already caught everyone's attention.

"Alfred, Patrick Bergin stalked his wife who left him in that movie, so please drop it" I poked the side of my twin's head.

"No matter what! THE HERO, which is me, WILL NOT LEAVE YOUR SIDE!" Alfred stood in an overly confident stance ignoring my earlier statement.

"Hero?" Yao crossed her arms and gave a 'is this guy serious' look at her sister who just cumbersomely smiled. "Very protective brother aren't you?"

"Alfred, what if I had to use the restroom" Madeline giggled when her twin's confident face became blank at trying to process the information.

"Uh?" Alfred thought for a few seconds.

"Okay, lets go, we need you in school uniform and then get to class. Let's see again, the class you're starting with is fifth period. World History with Mr Carlton." The short Chinese girl hooked her arm around Madeline's arm then took her the opposite direction. "I'll see you back at the dorm Sakura."

"Okay, bye." Sakura bowed. "See you around Alfred."

"Yeah, I'll see you later."

* * *

Yao escorted Madeline back to the dorm. "Okay so this is our winter uniform. Sophomores are pretty much required to wear this." She held out Madeline's uniform. It was black and red. The skirt black and a bit shorter than her old uniforms, and a thing gold stripe lined close to the hem. The jacket was also black, but the undershirt was red. "The freshmen, or fresh meat, wear blue undershirts, and juniors are a brown beige, more like gold." Yao pulled on her collar to show that she's wearing a junior class uniform, "And the seniors wear white. Got it?"

"Y-yeah." Madeline hurried into the bathroom. Luckily it's a jacket; I don't think I would be able to hide these scars. Closing her eyes, she traced thin fingers down her arms, remembering their history, the way the lines, and the dots felt, she was disgusted with her body. She examined her torso in the mirror. Her ribs still sort of showed, and her collar bone was very noticeable. The skirt was a problem. Bruises were a faded purple where on her shins and a lot of terrible scars littered her skeletal legs. "Um Yao can you um hand me the tights on my bed?"

"Here you go," A small hand along with black tights entered the crack of the door. "Need anything else."

"N-no, but thank you." Madeline was finished dressing. Checking one last time in the mirror for anymore flaws glanced down to her legs. The tights didn't help much. The black fabric pooled around her ankles, and fitted loose. It made her look like she was too skinny for her clothes. Then again all she had to do is whisper "My body is disgusting."

Nodding, she quickly tugged on her blonde pigtails then emerged from the lavatory.

"Wow that uniform looks good on yo-…." A sudden silence. "Are you really gonna wear those hideous shoes!"

She looked down at her shoes. They were worn out combat boots. It was the only pair of shoes Madeline ever had, since she was unable to get any other type of shoes, unless her old ones no longer fit or grinded down. Madeline couldn't help but feel ashamed in her boots. "I-it's the o-only pair I have."

"I see." Both girls heard the bell ring. "Oh we'll solve this later, but right now, I'll get you to class."

"O-okay"

* * *

_"Madeline, where the hell are you?" An furious voice thundered through their new apartment. "Damn it Madeline. When I get my hands on that girl-" She stomped over to the bathroom then kicked open the door. Crying Madeline and Alfred were hiding in the stained tub that had no shower curtains. "What the hell is this? I told you that the dealer will be coming over today! You fucking screwed up." She yanked both children out of the tub nearly dislocating their shoulders. Watching the woman kick open the bedroom door, a bright light blinded the two children. "I'll teach you both a god damn lesson!" The voice was stone cold and sour._

The young Canadian shot up from her bed hyperventilating and shaking. Her roommate was still sound asleep. "It was just a dream" 'about when we were little'. Madeline wanted to run to Alfred's dorm room but that would be breaking the rules going out after curfew. She rested her head back on the pillow.

The room is very quiet. Madeline looked through her school bag. She pulled out her mp3. Choosing a random song she closed her eyes_. I am doll eyes, doll mouth, doll legs, I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait_…. Madeline wondered if she was not the only one with the aching pain.

_Sometimes when I think hard enough I see my mother. She would be waiting on the bridge where she always took us to listen to the birds, to the river, and to her stories. Her eyes, pools of blue, would be looking over the wooden rail, wearing her favorite white sun dress that had tiny faded maple leaves dotted on it, I still remember that dress. The sun would be in the evening, and reflected off the river below making it glitter, and making her like an angel. I would see her smile, and I'd hear Alfred's loud laughing waving over at me. They both look the same. Blonde hair, eyes pools of blue, and that smile. I'm glad Alfred has her smile, so I would never forget. I wonder if I have her smile. No one has ever said anything about it. I hardly remember her laugh. Was it full of joy? Or was it sad? I want to feel her soft blonde hair again, I want to remember her smell, I want her arms to be around Alfred and me, telling us that she loves us._

Why am I haunted by her dead eyes so suddenly? Oh yeah, her dress, she died in that dress, she drowned in her eyes, the pools of blue. The blonde girl sighed repeating the end of the song. "Someday you will ache like I ache."

The Canadian girl finished putting up her posters that morning. She looked from left to right. "Let's see, so the *Canadian hockey team looks good, and the *Frances Farmer poster looks nice. Now the, oh, I think I should switch these two." Madeline pulled the thumb tacks from the 'Smashing Pumpkins' then swapping 'Billie Holiday' where it was above the hockey poster. "Yay."

Madeline dug through her bag checking if she missed anything. There were some folded papers, with the familiar poster texture hidden at the bottom beneath some books. She pulled four folded squares out, each the size of her notebook. Careful to not tear the delicate paper, she suddenly blushed. This is Alfred's pin-up girl posters!

"Your um band poster reminds me of Alice's posters Madeline-san." Sakura reached over placing her hand on one of the posters. "I'll introduce you to her later, okay? Uh, Madeline. Are you okay?"

Breaking out of shock. "Y-yeah, I uh, I n-need to go see A-alfred." With that said Madeline darted out of her dorm room. Oh Alfred.

She dashed out of the girls' dormitory building like there was a fire. She made way across campus to the boy's dorm. It appeared similar to the girls' dorm; however there were fewer trees around. She heaved open the glass doors then abruptly ran into someone. She fell straight to the floor.

"Watch where you're goi-" The stranger she bumped into turned around waving his fist. He was unaffected by the sudden force, but was dumbfound when he saw that there was no one in sight. He heard a whimper from below. His eyes widen to his surprise. "Oh, hey, sorry! The awesome me is sometimes a klutz, you know, being awesome 24/7, its hard work."

Madeline held the square papers close to her chest. "I-it wa-as my faul-t." She was startled to see the person she bumped into. She looked up at him. Red eyes? White hair? So he's albino. What are the odds? Shaking her head out of the trance, the albino held out his hand.

"My name is Gilbert. The awesome Gilbert. And what's your name birdie?" Gilbert threw in an unusual laugh, "Kesesese"

Madeline looked once more up at the albino's face. She suddenly cowered when she saw his smirk, and his laugh made it worse. She wanted to turn around and run but a familiar voice boomed out of nowhere.

"Get the hell away from my sister!"

* * *

**The * stuff:**

**Winston: Its a cigarette brand.**

**Canadian hockey team: I don't know anything about hockey.**

**Francis Farmer: A beautiful woman and actor from the 1930s era**

**Note: If you were a previous reader you must have noticed that I have restarted the story. I did contact some readers who favorited the story but those who were Anon or just a reader I couldn't think of any other way to contact any of you. I do apologized for that. Once I reread most of the chapters to this story I took note of the mistakes, the short chapters. I do have Beta, but I don't know how the hell that works, so instead I have a couple of friends reading/editing this for me. Possibly I'll invovle my teachers from school cause they're just cool and they always ask me if I write and I'm just "Fyeah I write" (I really don't say that), but anyways I just won't tell them its fanfiction, pfft. I got off topic.**

**Oh yeah, has anyone ever listen to those songs that I use to recommend to go along with the chapter? If so, just say so and I'll possibly recommend songs again!**

**Please review or PM, whatever makes you happy :D**


	3. Flamboyant Offspring

Tension rose as the two males glared at each other. With an aggressive huff, Alfred immediately stood protectively in front of Madeline arms crossed and standing tall with his chest puffed out. The albino, Gilbert, he wore a cocky smirk. Madeline didn't speak a word, fearing either opponent would attack.

"Hey, I was talking to birdie, not you, annoying American." Gilbert placed his fists on his hips.

"Leave my sister alone you sick bastard!" The serious tone of Alfred's voice startled Madeline only a little, but she knew he was doing whatever he could to keep any sadistic looking guy away.

"Why? A pretty girl should be clinging to an awesome guy like me, not a dumb brother, kesesese"

Those two words always scared the Canadian girl. To her, the phrase 'Pretty girl' is a sign of sick desire from a greedy guy, and those words forced Madeline to back up to the corner trembling. Looking at her surroundings, other boys in the dorm gathered around waiting for something to happen even though they were unaware about what the tension was about. No one seemed to take notice of her. And the two opponents obviously forgot that she was there because fists started flying. One from the albino flew close to her head denting the wall just centimeters away.

"Shit! You little blonde rat, I'll destroy you!" The albino swiftly turned around knocking Madeline over with his shoulder. She crashed against the trash bin that happened to be there to support her fall. The fight trailed off into the middle of the claustrophobic hall. She watched Alfred dodge most of Gilbert's punches.

Growing up in trashed neighborhoods and bad friends Alfred knew every punch the albino threw. He wondered how hard his opponent could throw a punch and let the next one hit him. He noted that the albino needed more practice and smirked. Alfred could easily take him down with a couple swings.

Fists flew as a lot of the teenage boys were cheering on Gilbert. It seemed to Madeline that the albino was known to start fights since most of the students were cheering him on. She watched as Alfred get tossed down receiving a punch to his face. Alfred placed his forearms protecting his face then started laughing.

"Alfred!" Madeline's voice sounded at a regular person's volume. Loud enough for her brother to hear his confident gaze met hers; she smiled.

In an instance Alfred shoved the albino off his chest then giving him a quick strike in the ribs with his knee. It was enough to make Gilbert stagger back and dramatically yell "You broke my ribs!"

With a now cocky grin, Alfred grabbed the whining Albino and tossed him over his head letting him drop with a grunt.

The crowd cheered hoping for another round. Alfred puffed out his chest and crossed his arms declaring himself the winner.

The fight was over as soon as it started. Soon security guards started swarming in. The guards were yelling out orders for everyone stand up against the wall. Gilbert was still lying on the floor groaning as Alfred came up to his sister. "Maddie, you okay? That Nazi didn't try anything with you right?"

"Alf-" She was cut off by the dean's voice.

"And what happened?" he looked over at the twins with a blank face. "Alfred, would you like to explain?"

"Hell yeah! That Nazi bastard tried to get at it with my sister! I was just protecting her!" The blue eyed teen shook his fist.

"Will you come to my office?" The Dean held open the glass doors for the now ranting teen.

"….Okay." The hall lined with boys was quiet. No one spoke. If possible you could hear a feather fall.

Gilbert was put on a stretcher when the nurse arrived. He was hauled off. He looked like a victim saved from some sort of natural disaster, and is now being taken away for a long recovery.

Madeline was forgotten. Everyone was sent back to their rooms and she just stood there wondering if someone would walk up to her asking if she was okay, or if she needed any help. She stared at her 'unfashionable shoes' then realized the pin up posters were still in her arms. She left her lingering thoughts and debated what to do.

_Should I go and put this in Alfred's room? Maybe I need to head to the office. I'll just head back to my dorm instead_. Madeline was about to push open the glass entrance, then suddenly turned around to Alfred's room. "I'll take these there before I forget."

Quickly walking up to the second floor, she searched for room 79. She passed rooms with loud noises and silence. It sounded like some guys hooked up game counsels in their rooms and invited some friends over. Passing by so many oak doors, she finally made it to a door, with a white board with 'Ludwig Beilschmidt' and 'Alfred F. Jones' written in green. She knocked. A few seconds later the wooden door opened to a cheery girl and a tall scary looking guy.

"Ciao! Vee~"

"H-hell-o." Madeline whispered, she was startled by the tall guy.

"Allo. Is vere something I can help you with?" The tall guy had a thick German accent.

Madeline took a short moment to stare at the couple. She recognized the girl as the happy Italian girl that was bunked a few doors down. _'Are these two…dating?_' "Um, I'm M-Madeline Williams. I'm Alfred's tw-in, a-and I-I came h-here to re-return these."

"Oh vell Hallo, I'm Ludwig; I was unaware that Alfred had a twin." Ludwig shook the tiny Canadian girl's hand. The young Italian girl was looking right through Madeline.

"Luddy who you talking too? Why are you talking to the door frame?"

"Daisy, there is someone there. It's my roommate's twin sister. You both are in the same dorm right?" the question was directly aimed at the upset Madeline. She was able to nod in response.

"Oh, hello, I forgot you were there. My name is Daisy!" The Italian girl was way too cheery. It was starting to creep out Madeline. There was an awkward silence.

"W-well look at the time. I'll uh s-see you both around." With a false smile, Madeline gawkily walked away.

* * *

_-Someone else's point of view-_

"Wait, I have to go to class, seriously stop!" The boy pleaded. He had shoulder length brown hair whipping around as he shook his head trying to get away from the person pushing him.

"You will help me" The person pushing the brown haired adolescent had a thick accent. Taller, stronger, and creepier, the brown haired student gave up and followed.

"I thought students were not allowed on the roof?" He turned around to see a sadistic smile and a bad aura. "O-o-or w-we can st-stay."

"Da! So tell me who that girl is. Now"

"Hm?" The brown hair student looked over the roof's edge to where his companion was pointing_. Why would he want to know about someone else? And a girl. I always thought some with no feelings would never have a sudden interest. Oh, that must be the new girl from what I heard. Well we are suppose to have new students coming in a couple days ago_. "Th-that's th-e new girl."

"And is that all you know?"

"Y-yes."

The creepy teen glared at the other teen, then punching him in the arm while walking away. "You will get more information on 'the new girl'."

* * *

_It's been hours that felt like days to the little girl. She was entombed in a cramped dark closet for misbehaving. It was boiling hot in the state of California; there was no air conditioning in their again new home, anyone could die from heat stroke. The little girl sat on the dirty baby blue carpet, claustrophobia took effect long ago as she took deep trembling breaths. She was ready to actually kill herself in the closet if she didn't get out anytime soon. The door open. It was dark out. Alfred was thrown in, she was pulled out. "Get ready, I'm taking you with me." Her aunt's voice sounded like a *tenth generation cassette tape._

_The feisty woman hastily dunk the dazed Madeline into a tub of cold water. She didn't bother to undress her or anything. The little girl no longer cared, it only numbed her more. Welcoming the frigid water, she submerged herself until her aunt came back seconds later. Pulling her out, she harshly shredded the little girl's clothing. "Hurry and put this on, I don't have all god damn day."_

_Pulling on the faded blue jeans, Madeline caught a glimpse of her boney legs. She looked like a skeleton. She partially buttoned her red blouse then her aunt shoved a tiny pink back pack into the girl's arms. The sound inside the bag clunk together loudly. Madeline knew what she had to do. Delivery to a greedy guy's house. _

"Hey, why are you standing there? Move it!" A girl next to Madeline impatiently tapped her foot. The Canadian looked over at the rude girl. She was obviously British with her accent, and her greens eyes were bitter.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Madeline moved away from the water fountain. She hurried off to find her brother.

* * *

**Its been forever since I've update... I've been braindead and not really in the mood to do anything. Please review and yaddayadda...**


	4. Felicitous Demeanor

**Hate me, I'm a horrible updater... Sh*t been happening, and so I try to edit this, not much editing though...**

* * *

_"Alfie look! Snow!" The little blond girl shook her sluggish brother as she rushed to the bedroom window. Outside there were snowflakes silently falling Everything was coated in a blanket of white. The streets filled with cracks and dirt seemed to have been pure in way. "Wow! I've never seen snow before! Its so pretty!"_

_Her amethyst eyes glittered in awe; it was her first time in years seeing snow. The last time she encountered snow was when she was only an infant of six months. To her it seemed like a fantasy land, the ground shimmered once the clouds parted and the air was chilly through the window. She looked back at Alfred hoping he would join her._

_Her brother did not move. She observed him. Remembering what her aunt gave him. Recalling this evening's events Madeline tilted her head getting a better view at Alfred's dazed face. Her aunt was fed up with Alfred's constant talking and running around everywhere, she gave him something to eat that was supposed to make him calm down. It was not a great sight to watch her twin consume something with a substance like that. "This will happen to you if you don't behave."_

* * *

Snow has fallen the night before. That morning the sky refused to stop beaming blue, there were hardly any clouds, but the air was still bitter cold. Madeline was impatient for her 4th hour to end. She fiddled with the hem of her black skirt. Another ten minutes. Why can't time move faster?

Madeline felt a tap on her should. Slowly turning her head, there was another girl behind her. She had dirty blonde hair, and deep blue eyes, almost violet, they were hypnotizing. Then she spoke. "You look like a cadaver mon cher, " Her comment was beautifully spoken with a French accent but it was quiet rude. "Take it easy on the *candy sweetie."

She heard the French girl and others unknown, giggle. _Do I really look that bad? By the ways, I quit that stuff long ago. Maybe it's best to ignore_. _She'll forget me at any moment_. Sighing Madeline pulled out a medium size diary.

-oOo-

_It's been a while since I've written in my diary. And I'm writing now. Good News! The new life at Hetalia Academy is alright. I made a few friends. Their names are Sakura; Wang Yao, she prefers Yao; and Alice. They're all so nice, well Yao and Alice have short fuses, but I don't mind, it's great to watch them have 'personality'. For some reason this past first week I feel like I'm being watched. It's really scary. Whenever I looked around me I would see a head or shoulder duck behind whatever corner. Don't worry though, Alfred insisted that I keep his '*knuckledusters'._

_Now time for the Bad News. I haven't been eating a lot lately. Those dreams of my childhood still scare me. It hurts still when I come across any type of food. I fear that, that vile woman, would come and force me to drink *ipecac. It's complicated. I'll tell Alfie today. Sincerely Madeline Williams ^-^_

_She signed her name with swirls and a happy face._

-oOo-

The lunch bell rang obnoxiously waking up the loafers. Slowly students shuffled out the room as Madeline anxiously waited for everyone to file out of the classroom. No one saw her as she walked close to the wall and would occasionally bump into someone. Sakura or Alice were not standing by the stairs like usual. _Maybe still coming from class? Oh there's Alfie._

"Hello Alfred." Madeline walked up behind her brother, scaring him. He dropped his burger in the process.

"Holy shhhhiiiiiurrrrks…" Alfred nearly cursed when his twin popped out of nowhere. "Maddie! Whats up? You're like a ghost that haunts the halls. We should prank some people later. Just jump at them with a BOO!"

"I need to talk to you." She ignored his plotting. Tugging at his uniform jacket, she led him outside to a snow covered bench. Both sat down instantly. The wood was wet beneath their rumps, and the cold air nipped at their faces.

"Is everything alright Maddie?" Her twin's voice was full of concern. "No guy has touched or harassed you yet?"

"No. I-its something else. Um. I really d-didn't want to bother you, but I thought you had to know. I-I" Madeline stuttering increased. Her heart started to beat rapidly. She feared that her brother would get upset. Her hand started to noticeably shake.

"When was the last time you ate?" Somehow he was able to read her mind. With the question unbearable to answer she burst into tears. Hiding her face in her tiny hands Madeline cried. Her brother started to comfort her. Hugging her, and rubbing circles on her back, he kept his mouth shut until her tears dwindled. "Maddie, you have to eat."

Nodding her head, Alfred got up tossing his bomber jacket on her shoulders. He loudly said he would be back with some 'food'. Madeline sat on the damp bench alone. She gazed at her boots; they were entombed with a few inches of dirty slush. There was a chilly breeze that passed by, she zipped up the leather coat.

"E-excuse me miss, May I sit next to you?" The blonde girl was startled. She quickly looked up at a boy with shoulder length brown hair. There was a nervous look on his face, and had an awkward smile. Examining the strange boy for any threats, he passed as 'Too Pleasant to be Any Threat'. Wiping her puffy eyes Madeline nodded, and then went back to staring at her feet. "My name is Toris Laurinaitis, we have the same geometry class."

"H-hello. I-I'm Madeline." She whispered as quiet as a whisper can go. Then awkward silence.

"Well, um, what are doing out here alone? D-do you enjoy snow?" Toris could not think of anything to ask the shy girl. He came up with anything. "The weather is not bad today."

"Um, I'm waiting for my brother. And snow is okay, sometimes." Madeline began to wonder about Toris. "Uh, I don't mean to be rude, but where are you from?"

Toris smiled. He was sort of getting through to her. "I'm from Lithuania. And may I ask where you are from Madeline?"

"Oh, uh, Canada." The conversation started out slow. Then both shy teens began to get comfortable enough to make simple jokes. And of course Alfred is off somewhere, taking FOREVER!

"So I uh was wondering, who is your brother exactly?" Toris was sure Madeline resembled someone.

"It's Alfred Jones. We're twins." For the first time, it was Alfred who was forgotten. She giggled at the thought of it.

"Ah yes, I remember now. Heh. Your twin enjoys talking."

"Yes, sometimes it gets pretty frustrating when all he talks about is Captain America, and Hamburgers. I think he's more connected to his American side, than Canadian." It was true. Their father was American, and their Mother was Canadian. And each twin inherited either the hyperactive laugh or modest smile.

"HEY BACK OFF! I WILL BREAK YOU IN HALF!" Toris jumped up slipping in the slushy snow. Alfred ran towards the bench with his fist waving and a bag with a fast food logo on it.

"I'm sorry Toris, but I think you should start running." She gave him a small smile, he took off, before doing so, he waved goodbye. Madeline smiled wider. At least some guys are not greedy.

"That bastard didn't hurt you didn't he? If he did then I will get an envelope and-" Before Alfred could finish his envelope threat Madeline threw his bomber jacket over his blonde head.

"I'm fine Alfred. We only have three minutes of lunch left." Madeline smiled.

Digging in his fast food paper bag, he pulled out large fries and a burger. Accepting the food, she watched Alfred gouge himself with four burgers at once. It was interesting to Madeline that her brother eats like he is a bottomless pit. She took small bites of the greasy burger, and ate half the fries. The security came around telling everyone to get to class.

"Okay, well eat all of that, and I will see you after school. Remember, meet next-"

"To the south doors. I got it. See you later." The twins split ways. Madeline walked half way to class. She looked down at the greasy food. Disgusted she tossed them on the floor and kicked them into an occupied classroom, by mistake. Making a dash to the nearest restroom, she was out of breath. The mirrors cascaded over the white sinks. The aroma of perfume filled the powder room's air.

Madeline's reflection was nearly unbearable to look at. It looks as if she has not slept in days. Her amethyst eyes no longer shimmered, it was bleak. The healthy pale skin was now paler, that it looks if it could tear like paper. Disgusted with herself, Madeline dashed into a stall. The sounds of coughing and spitting echoed in the empty restroom. She tried to catch her breath. Her throat stung, leaving a nasty slimy feeling at the back of her throat. Just standing, tears would no longer drip. It was the familiar pain. She slowly rolled up the uniform sleeves. Her wrists had old scabs, her wrists had pink scars, her wrists were begging for new scars. "And I'll be okay."

* * *

Making way from the water fountain a strong grip grabbed his collar. "Hello Toris" It was the familiar thick accent. Toris had no memories on how he met his bipolar friend or so called friend. The earliest memory would be in Junior High and they were gym partners. But before then the taller of the two has always been predatory on his ass.

"You have my information, da?" His voice dripped bitter sweet.

"Y-yes" Toris tried to pry off the other's fingers.

"Good. Let's go."

Already up the stairs to the roof Toris did his usual routine pleading. "I have to go to class" The taller student kicked the door open like it was nothing. Fear started to overtake his mind. "Please, I really should go to class."

Forcefully shoving his companion down on the hard surface he smiled widened as the fallen boy scrapped his face. Speaking in his native tongue he knew that the Lithuanian understood, as well as spoke. "Tell me now."

In a sitting position Toris began. "Aaah well. I'm sure you know her name. A-and I found out that um that guy who talks too much, i-is her twin." Toris looked up see his smiling expression unchanged. Continuing. "And, she's from Canada."

"From Canada?" Putting on his thinking cap he turned on his heel and stood away from Toris.

"Y-yes, she's a really nice friend" The word friend slipped out. Twisting around the taller student snapped his eyes violet back down the trembling Lithuanian. His eyes turned into a darker shade.

"Did I say you could become friends?" Grabbing the frightened boy's neck he put his head over first. Toris could see across the street. There was no one out to notice and of course this was just for fun's sake. "You know I can make this look like a suicide"

He felt something hit his back. Pissed as ever he pulled out his faucet pipe ready to maul anyone who interfered, but there was no one. He set his weapon back into his coat then turned his attention back to the trembling body.

With a sadistic smile he lifted Toris ready to give him the scare of his life. He noticed his victim was looking at something. Or someone. In an instant the purple eyed pillager turned his head only to meet lead. He did not see who hit him.

Using one eye to scan the area he spotted his victim getting away. Somehow he didn't see the other person. Like any predator would do in slasher films he followed the fleeing victim down the empty halls until the release bell rung. Still no sign of his attacker nor his faucet pipe. Once in his reach, Toris was rescued by the loud American, Alfred. Still no sign of his attacker.

* * *

Skipping the rest of her classes she found false sanctuary on the roof of the Academy. The view was perfect in the winter. Buildings camouflaged by snow and in the distance there were clouds building up. It'll snow later I bet. She stood close to the edge looking down at the concrete Earth below. Tracing her fingers over the fresh slices she smiles silently. The lines tingled with every touch and the feeling of relief soothed her. The grumble in her belly silenced after agonizing minutes spent gagging in the restroom earlier.

Her jacket was not thick enough for the winter air as the breeze picked up a bit. The bitter draft slapped against her chapped face as she sighed. Puffs of breath escaped. All she had to do was take one more step. The paranoia would end. The aching would go away. The greedy people would go away. Just one more step and it's all over. It'll be over.

She zipped up her red maple leaf jacket then gripped the vomit stained sleeves. Just one step. She made her decision. Clenching her eyes shut she held her breath, lifting her right foot. "I'm sorry Alfred"

"I have to go to class!" Madeline pulled back when a faint voice disrupted her resolution. It was getting closer. The roof door swung open revealing two students. She ducked behind an electrical box. "Please, I really should go to class."

_Toris? What's he doing up here? Who is that?_ Madeline watched Toris' attempts to pull away from the taller person, only to find it pointless. The companion was a lot taller than the Lithuanian and had silver hair with a light tint of blonde. The Canadian could barely make out the rest of his features_. Where's my glasses? Ah here they are! What are they saying? Is that Russian I'm hearing? What are they doing!?_

She watched with curious eyes as the boy she met earlier looked if he were ready to pass out, and the taller guy looked ready to punch him. The taller of the two males started talking in a furious tone. Toris seemed to be struggling with the grip. Madeline eyes widen when as Toris was held close to the edge. _Maybe I should do something. What would Alfred do? Of course, *Ding-Dong Ditch._

After a brief moment of thinking over the plan she knew she had to do it, no matter the consequences. _Oh crapp, I'm actually going through with this. Oh well, it could be worse….. Yeaaah this is bad._

"H-hey, stop it." Curse my whispering. Okay maybe a little louder. "Please leave him alone!" Knocking over a soda can, she picked it up and tossed it to the attacker's back, he whipped his head around scanning the area. Unsure who threw the can he went turned his attention back to the frightened Lithuanian. Curse my invisibility. A short faucet pipe fell from the student's jacket unnoticed_. Ah ha!_ Taking cautious steps she hoped her invisibility will last much longer. Quietly picking up the cold rusted pipe she glanced up. Toris finally noticed her. His blue eyes were pleading the Canadian not to do anything. Madeline swung with all her might when the tall student spun his head around.

"Ah!" He stumbled sideways, releasing his victim. Madeline got him good in the right eye.

With fast reflexes Madeline grabbed Toris before he went over the edge. She pulled him to his feet then ran to the exit. Toris was out of breath from being choked, he could barely keep up with the nimble Canadian. Toris' attacker was hot on their trail. Entering the sophomore hall the dismissal bell rung, Students started shuffling out of class, not noticing Madeline and her injured friend.

"Alfred!" Madeline spotted her twin walking with a couple of friends.

Hearing his name called by a familiar whisper, he turned around with a big smile. Only it turned to a frown when noticing what was going on. "Oh crap! Maddie! DON'T WORRY THE HERO WILL RESCUE YOU!"

In an instant Alfred had the out of breath Lithuanian over his shoulder and grabbed his twin then dashing off. "I'll kick your ass later Commie!"

_So Russian?_ Madeline looked back. _I guess Russian…_

Madeline forgot she had the Russian's faucet pipe in hand.

* * *

**The (*) stuff:**

**Candy- well candy does not mean sweets. Candy means drugs. Ecstasy or pill popping. In this one it means pill popping.**

**Knucklebusters- Brass Knuckles of course.**

**Ipecac- It's a type of medicine that makes you vomits. Like, if you accidently swallow some sort of poisonous thing then it's used for that particular reason.**

**Ding-Dong Ditch- It's funny cause my friends call that Ding-Dong Ditch. Like, if your friend is getting their ass kicked, then you jump in kicking ass and saving theirs, and finally running like hell. Ding-Dong Ditch. Ha, it's fun attempts! Toris is in the perfect situation for an attempt.**

**THANKS FOR READING PLEASE REVIEW!**


	5. Wish to Repress Memories

Sometimes when it snows, it makes everything so empty. That it's only white frozen water that would melt into the dirty ground, but if you think further, that melted snow would also help the vegetation; that melted snow would help life flourished. You're a snow flake, frozen among thousands, but when you sink beneath the soil then maybe one day you'll be a beautiful flower. I remember a dealer that my aunt worked for told me that. He was a nice guy, not greedy, but he was just, lost. It was weird, because I was only ten; I thought I would forget something like that.

* * *

_She sat on the wet Earth. Her small frail body could no longer take the pain. The abuse. The shame. She could no longer stand looking into the mirror. She could no longer feel the happiness that use to make her fingers tingle. The heavy pit in her lower abdomen felt it was about to suck her in whole. The rain lightly fell numbly onto to her scarred arms. Her clothes already muddy and the sky was grey. One day she hoped to see the sky purple. Like amethyst and silver linings. She curled up where a puddle formed around her. In a distance she could hear them calling her. Yelling her name. Who is 'they'? Maybe its just one person. Or maybe two. She is sure its just her imagination. No one is calling out for her. No one is looking for her. She is alone in her own distinguishing world._

_I wish I could start eating again. My stomach yearns for food. I cannot give it what it wants though. That is not the worst of it though. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. Insomnia I suspect. Maybe I'm just slowly losing my mind. It's been about three nights with hardly any sleep. Maybe six hours all together. Its scary because I'm afraid that if I tell, Sakura, or Yao, they'll tell Alfred. He would be so disappointed. I don't want to ruin his happiness because of me. I'm afraid he might tell the Dean, and he'll have me sent back to my aunt. I would rather die than see her god-awful face again. That's too harsh. But I really do mean it. But still I would rather die even with all this pain. I would like to die someday with all these ghosts drawn on my back... Sincerely Madeline Williams_

She signed her name with swirls and a happy face.

* * *

The rain started to fall heavy. The cold droplets slapped against the child's face. It covered the tears but I couldn't cover her puffy sad eyes. Faint footsteps came closer. Her purple puffy eyes lingered on a reflection of herself. Tired, sad, but this reflection has blue eyes. "Hi Aflie" Her voiced croaked.

She awoke hyperventilating with stinging forearms. Trying to get up, she was too weak, but she kept trying. Her whole body was screaming at her to eat, to stop the purging, to get help. In her head she wanted to just end it all. The zig-zags that lined her arms were not enough. The purging was not enough. Getting help would never make her feel any better.

Slowly she made her way to the bathroom. Drinking a glass of hot water the empty pit in her stomach relaxed, then her went to take a hot shower. That's probably what she needed. She was unable to remove her red pajamas so instead she entered with clothing. She sunk to the bottom of the tub while the shower head shot hot water at her. Her eyes felt heavier than earlier.

She went to sleep with a smile. It was the first time in a long time she had a dreamless sleep.

-oOo-

It was until dawn when Madeline awoke still in the running shower. The water was now freezing cold. Her body felt completely frozen. Struggling to sit up she torn down the shower curtains. "Oops." Her voice cracked.

A light knock at the door startled the saddened Canadian. "Madeline-san are you okay?"

It was Sakura. Quickly turning off the water she wiped her cold hair away from her face. "Y-yeah j-just a lit-tle accident." Madeline spoke up. Her voice sounded meek.

"Okay, well I'm going to get breakfast then go to class, I'll see you in the hall." She waited until the door closed.

Hearing the faint click of the door locking, Madeline sat herself at the edge of tub. Her pajamas soaking wet, and her body completely frozen.

She could hear her stomach growl.

-oOo-

"Heyyy Maddie! GUESS WHHHAAAT?" An eager voice burst through the halls as the weary Canadian barely made it down the stairs. She looked back. Her brother was smiling wide. Full of happiness. Happier than she's ever seen. He skidded to a stop. "We got paid! Yeah! Now I can buy more Mickey Ds!"

"Paid?" Madeline tilted her head. She knew that they both get paid at the end of every month but her aunt always took the money for 'personal' reasons. Butterflies fluttered in her chest. "R-really?"

"Yes really! The lady from the big S place gave us erm ATM cards. Ha! The dean was 'Spend it wisely boy' and I said 'Dude, first I'm getting a pair of new gloves'" She rolled her eyes as she placed a false but convincing smile. Alfred eagerly gave Madeline an envelope. The bell rang. "Oh craaaaauuuckrrrrs, I'll be late for class! I'm gonna sit next to the cute British girl today!" Alfred nearly cursed, again.

"Bye Alfie." She waved. Glancing down at the envelope she sat on the steps. The gold colored rectangle paper felt heavy. She carefully tore open the paper. It revealed a several papers all stapled perfectly and a ATM card cautiously attached to another paper. "Hm?"

She carefully put all the contents back into the envelope and stuck it safely in her bag.

-oOo-

"Heyyy, you're the girl who totally saved my Toris' life!" A girl with short blonde hair scooted her desk closer to Madeline. The confused Canadian examined the girl. She had blue eyes, and a sly grin on her face. Madeline looked at her uniform, it was the same. _'wait, either she's really flat chested or…_'

"Oh, hello again Madeline. I see you've met Felix" It was Toris. _'oh yeah, we have the same geometry class'_

"Hello Toris" Madeline's amethyst eyes glanced at his bruises from the day before. Noticing her actions he quickly covered the bruises.

"They look more like something Felix would give me than being choked by um that other guy." His face turned pink after what he said. Felix was smirking at the now embarrassed Lithuanian.

Madeline plastered her best smile. _'Oh dear, was that suppose to be a joke? But is 'Felix' a girl? I'm confused now.'_ "Ahaha, well hello Felix. I'm Madeline Williams."

"Oh, Madeline. That's like a pretty name!" He or she beamed with happiness. "I totally wanna hang out with my Toris' savior after school! Hows that sound? Okay, well i'll see you like after class."

Felix skipped out of the class room before the blank girl could answer. Madeline was confused by Felix's gender. _'He, she, or whatever sex, but I guess I can make more friends' _She slightly smiled. Looking back up at Toris he looked like he was about to slap himself.

"Toris? A-are you okay?" The purple eyed Canadian poked the embarrassed boy on the elbow. She giggled when he refused to answer and covered his face groaning. "Your friend seems very fun."

"Y-you think so?" The Lithuania smiled. Unexpectedly he frowned then hid behind a text book shaking. Madeline was slightly confused by the sudden change.

Looking around the classroom she spotted a certain person glaring at Toris and a creepy aura brought the room to freezing.


	6. Never Go Hungry

The day passed by like it never happened. Madeline was in a trance, not remembering walking to class or being at lunch. The floor was hypnotizing dirty white, in her head it seem of marble. The surface swayed and deepened into a white abyss. . Being the last one out, she realized it was the final class for the day. I guess I can hang out with Toris and his friend um Felix.

Wandering the crowded halls of happy chattering every now and then the Canadian would get shoved. She shoulders began to hurt from the constant wall contact. Spotting Toris and Felix she quickly plastered my best smile. "H-hello"

"Heyyy, like you wanna go and get something to eat! I'm totally starving!" Felix tugged on Madeline's hand. "Toris is coming! He has to come and help like pick me out a new skirt!"

Madeline heard her belly growl when Felix mentioned 'starving'. Blushing hoping her new acquaintance didn't hear that, too bad Felix did. Smiling the blue eyed girl or boy looked at the stuttering Canadian. "We're both totally hungry. What would you like to eat?"

"Maddie whats up?" Alfred skipped up to his twin.

"Hello Alfie"

"Hmm? Still making new pals aren't you! That's great! I bet you're having a blast!" The loud American literally shouted. "And YOU" He pointed to the awkward Lithuanian suddenly getting serious. A cocky grin replaced the serious act. "I want to talk to you!"

"Ah" The American pulled the Lithuanian from Felix's vice grip and disappeared into the boy's restroom. Felix grabbed Madeline's arm.

"Let's wait outside! Toris will totally find us out there!"

-oOo-

He placed the awkward boy in the middle of the restroom. Circling him like a prey Alfred could not stop smiling. Toris began to shake fearing what the American would do. "Okay dude!" Toris jumped up as Alfred's voice echoed in the empty room. "You have my permission to hang out with my sister!"

'Permission?' Slightly confused Toris looked over at the American. "E-excuse?"

"You're not excused bro." Alfred place a hand on his hip and pointed directly at the boy across, "Dude, just don't hurt her! I'm her brother, and it's my job to keep the bad guys away. But I can see you're just a nice guy, like a side kick! And IF you do hurt her then I'll seriously end you. Well first I would kick your ass then end you. But I think you get it. Riiiight?" Alfred swung and arm over the shorter boy's shoulders.

"Y-yeah. Y-you-u're very protect-tive, ar-ren't you?" His stuttering subsided when the restroom door opened revealing a pissed off Russian.

Alfred stared blankly at the tall character. It took a several seconds to try and process who the person was. Then it hit him like a trunk full of bricks.

"Hello Toris" The aura that surrounded the Russian was not good. Wanting to flee the American dramatically gasped.

"You're the commie that screwed up this guy!" Alfred pointed an accusing finger at the sadistic student. "Asshole, I'm going to kick your ass when-"

"Da" Was all the Russian could say then turned his attention to the now cowering Toris, "We did not finish our conversation little Toris. We will leave now."

Alfred pushed over the Russian and slung Toris over his shoulder fleeing the area. "First things first! Recuse civilians!" Alfred ran down the hall with a finger pointing up, his voice echoed throughout the building. "I swear I'll kick his ass in the next encounter! Ahahahaha~!"

-oOo-

"Did you like hear someone?" Felix swung his head back and forth. Yes, Madeline found out Felix is a boy. "I swore I heard a weird laugh"

Madeline had an idea who it may be but she still scanned the area, just in case. Alfred along with a scared Toris burst through the double doors.

"hahaha, the hero has arrived!"

Wiping the drool from the corner of her mouth, she felt the stinging behind her throat turn into a dry sour taste. Sighing the girl left the stall letting the sound of the flushing toilet echoed the empty spaces. The mirror was rather small. Big enough to smile into, frowns did not seem welcomed.

"I'm tired." She whispered so she herself is unable to hear. Swishing water in her mouth to rid of the sour vomit taste, she did not hear anyone enter the restroom.

"M-Madeline?" A scratchy female voice rung in her ears. The scratchy voice sounded broken from too much yelling and inhaling. 'That voice' It was her aunt's old friend. Kerry*. "Oh my god! Madeline!" Two arms wrapped around the blond girl's head. Her amethyst eyes looked at the hugging woman's hands. Both hands were covered in familiar tattoos of flowers and thorns. "How are you sweetie?"

"You still recognize me?" Madeline was shocked. She didn't expect anyone to remember her. This woman, Kerry, rarely talked to her when living with her aunt. Only time she ever spoke this woman was only after shows.

A slight memory shot through the struggling Canadian's head. She remembered this woman on stage screaming her vocals out to a punk song. Little Madeline was sitting with the bartender with blue hair. Her violet eyes observed the crowd. Many people were there, with tattoos and scowls. It seemed if she was the only one with innocence there. Maybe not. Alfred was sitting next to her cheering on Kerry. Spotting her aunt who was flirting with some guy, Madeline felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Kerry of course. Madeline knew what she needed. Digging in the bag she was holding, Kerry handed over a roll of bills, and took the contents Madeline held. Her amethyst eyes watched the woman walk away. A tattoo of angel wings where on her back. Madeline wished to have wings, so she could just fly away.

"Of course! Who'd ever forget that anorexic body of yours?" The woman squeezed tighter causing the young Canadian to squeak. She was offended to be called 'anorexic'. She has a reason from doing what she does. It's not because she wants to be skinny, it's just paranoia. She is thin enough already. Resisting the urge to slap the woman Madeline pulled out of the iron grip.

She examined the woman that stood before her, she gaped in awe. The woman she last saw seven weeks ago looked more, healthy. Her hair is actually brushed revealing a brown sleek mane, flawless makeup, and she's actually dressed a lot nicer in gray office like wardrobe rather than revealing clothing. The last image of this woman was when there straight lines and pills scattered among the coffee table, and her aunt was screaming about getting rid of some things.

"O-oh, w-well I-I um-" Madeline was now uncomfortable. She did not want to see this woman. Never again. It feels like it has been years though. Where both lives once represented hell, now flourished to something new and/or bad.

"Where's your brother? Or I mean the Hero?" The woman laughed as she leaned against the white sink. "I want to see you both again. It's been so long."

"Alfred is waiting outside with some friends" Why did she tell her that? She didn't know why though. It just came out.

"Really!" the woman's tan eyes widen. "Well lets get together now!" She grabbed the awkward Canadian's hand pulling her out the door. "Now where is that silly boy?"

Pointing over to the food court Madeline wanted to beg for the woman to stop. She knew she wouldn't listen though. Hyper like Alfred of course she won't listen. Immediately spotting Alfred stuffing himself with pizza and burgers it makes you wonder. 'Is he a bottomless pit?'

"KERRY!" Alfred instantly shot up, recognizing the woman. He shouted across the food court scaring Toris and Felix. "Whoa! You look different!"

"Alfred! You're still eating!" The woman dragged the girl behind her like a rag doll. "And who are these little playmates?"

Tilting her head sideways Madeline wondered if this woman instantly knew if Felix is a boy. Alfred introduced the two companions as they both had their own things to say. Both girls sat down.

"Like who're you?" Felix licked the yogurt off the Pocky stick as he pushed his blonde hair behind his ear.

"I'm an old family friend." The woman clapped her hands together in glee.

'Family friend my ass' Madeline wanted to speak up and curse at this woman. Or more than curse.

After two intense hours of talking and walking, Madeline felt that her body was about to expire. Her body was ready to give out as her knees weakly brought her over to the vehicle. Groaning her planted her face to the hood and waited for someone to unlock the door. She desperately wanted to curl up and hope the pain in her stomach would go away. Barely relaxing she felt her body was starting to shut down. Her arm was twitching which was terribly painful.

-oOo-

_Yesterday was an 'okay' day. Recently I've been hanging out with Sakura, Yao, Felix, and Toris all together. It is a lot of fun having friends who get along so well. Anyways, Yesterday, Felix convinced Toris and I to the mall. Alfred insisted to tag along since Sakura and Yao had sisterly business to attend too. But it was fun. Until I went into the restroom and I saw someone that knew my aunt. It was unbearable see that woman again. How could she smile and tell me that I'll never be forgotten for my anorexic body? I wish I had the energy to punch her, or even scream. Its getting late._

_Love always Madeline _

_P.S. I know you may not have feelings because you're only a diary but if you had feelings I'm sure you would enjoy having words inside you._

She signed her name with swirls and a happy face.

-oOo-

I got up the next day. Glancing at Sakura's calendar and sighed. "Another month worth living through I guess." February 7th 2011, Monday, another day of school.

Before slipping on my school uniform I stared into the mirror. Through my red tank top, the lines of my ribs jutted out, my collar bone looked if it could tear through my skin, and my body was starting to disgust me even more. The back of my neck looked yellowish. 'Is this right?' Taking out Sakura's weight scale my eyes linger on the square scale. The numbers looked if they were about to fall off and taunt me. A pain in my chest told her to drop the scale and leave it alone. I listened to the pain.

Setting down the scale I debated not to go to classes. Without realizing my movement I got dressed. Skipping breakfast, again, I dragged myself to class.

I was in a daze. Not noticing the beautiful girl leaning towards my face. Her giggling startled me. It was the French girl, Francine. "Oh Madeline, How was your weekend? Did you pig with your brother again?" The word 'pig' was given more emphasis than necessary but somehow the word struck like a back hand slap. The words of the beautiful French girl were starting to have their effect on me. Really! I didn't mind the constant mocking about using drugs, but I still sort of smoked. Recently those have stopped and it came to my waist line. Its bad enough that I'm paranoid to the point where I refuse to eat, but to the point where other people will point out my 'flaws'. Am I really a pig?

I'm starting to break down. I could feel the pain in my chest where my stomach screamed in agony. My heart began to beat faster. Getting up slowly, I decided to run out instead. Hearing the French girl's last words. "Leaving to eat your day away? Just call me if you need a good chef."

Those words started to echo in my head. Words like that are starting to haunt me.

I didn't realize I was out of breath until I hit the floor. I could hear my heart beating. It felt like my chest was about to explode but at the same time my stomach to implode. Trying to get up my body refused to respond, everything began to hurt. My head, my chest, even my knees shook with every attempt. Soon I felt pathetic just sprawled out on the cold floor. I felt like I was dying inside. Like I was beginning to rot. I think I'm dying. So quickly, things just happen so quickly. Well its my fault for not eating.

-oOo-

Feeling dizzy she shouldn't have left so fast. Her breathing became rapid, her body felt it was shutting down. Able to hear her heart beat in her ears, it felt like it will explode at any moment. Her knees buckled sending her crashing into a trashcan. She rolled onto her back, out of breath. In the corner of her eyes she could see someone approaching.


	7. Tears and Stars Collide

She awoke in a dark unfamiliar room. Her head was painfully throbbing. It felt that there was something crawling around in her skull. Searching the surroundings the first thing she spotted were thick curtains, dark red color. Sunlight tried to pierce through the curtains. Looking up at the ceiling she could barely make out pictures of what looked like happy faces. She felt that she was burning up under the heavy blanket. Attempting to push it off her body rejected the message and terrorized her in pain.

"You're awake"

_-oOo-_

_I reached up to the sky. I knew I can reach it. My armed stretched out in front of me. The sky was a beautiful amethyst. Some clouds hovered above. I felt weight lift off my chest as I felt the breeze, I felt, Free._

My dream was ruined. I awoke. The blanket that is covering me is too thick, it's like a sauna. Opening my eyes the throbbing in my skull occurred. If felt like I was bashed in the head with a pair of boots; strange but I knew how that actually felt. The room feels eerie with the dimness from the dark red curtains; there was barely a ray of sunlight. My gaze was brought to the ceiling; I could see that there were pictures of some sort of blurry yellow circle shape. It looked sort of like happy faces. Things did look blurry. Where are my glasses?

Attempting to push off the heavy blanket my body did not respond the way I expected. Instead my body shrieked in so my pain, it's like I was dunked in hot water then forced into an ice bath repeatedly then left to sleep in my drenched clothes only to wake up with the worst ache in the world. That's another thing I knew what felt like.

"You're awake" A cheery voice, somewhere from the room. Ignoring the pain I instantly looked over to my right. I could see a dark figure sitting in a chair. It's obvious that it's a male student, but who?

"It's not good if you skip breafast" He has a strong accent. Sort of childish. To think of it; it sort of sounds, cute. Wait, how did he know I skipped breakfast? I'm sure a lot of other students do the same. The male figure stood up. Damn he's tall! Still I couldn't see his face.

"You are feeling unwell, da?" Russian! I knew that kind of accent sounded somewhat different than a German accent. Absentmindedly I nod my head. Why did I nod! I don't even know who this guy is? For all I could know, this guy could be greedy! Panic overwhelmed as I whimpered when the Russian got closer. "What is wrong?" I could see him tilt his head sideways.

I watched as the Russian turned the opposite direction then flicking on the light in the bathroom. The light from the bathroom worsened my throbbing head. I heard the sink, then he closed the bathroom door a little enough to illuminate the room. I looked up at him, then shock took over fear. It was that guy Alfred flips out about. What was his name? I can't remember.

"Can you sit up?" Instead of waiting for my answer he set down something then slowly slid a hand under my neck. I squeaked when he rolled the thick blanket from my torso revealing me to the cold air in the dorm room. Putting me in a sitting position my body shook in agony. All the movements stabbed everywhere. "Here" He place a cup of water to my lips. "Drink" My throat is pretty dry. Gulping down the water, somehow I felt a little better. But the aching and headache still hurt.

"T-thank you u-um-" I whispered. My face started to feel a bit warm. Am I blushing! Glancing up, he was a bit too close. I couldn't help but keep the instant picture of his face in my head now. I shouldn't have looked at him. His smile is now forever stuck in my head. What color are his eyes? Why do I want to know his eye color? I'm having a mind war! Now if only I could get his name. Asking is easier right? "Wha-What's y-your na-name?"

"Ivan. My name is Ivan" He sounded happy with the question. "And you?"

"M-Ma-d-deline" My stutter is starting to get on my nerves now.

-oOo-

He followed the girl out of class.

Seeing that the girl has resorted to sprinting, he quickened his pace. Making it to the first floor of the school building he hide behind a corner, but was surprised when he watched her collapse. In an instant he dashed up to her. She closed her eyes once he made it. Kneeling down the lifted the girl with one arm. He felt that she is light. Really light. Earlier he saw that she skipped breakfast, so maybe that was the reason. Obviously not.

-oOo-

She tossed and turned. Unable to sleep. Her stomach was tingling, not the empty feeling but a butterfly feeling. She replayed the whole day over in her head. Awaking in her stalker's bed only for him being her hero, being convinced to eat with him, and skipping classes, she never felt like this before.

Her limbs felt heavy. She closed her eyes with a smile on her face.

-oOo-

_"When are we going home?" A little boy's voice whined. "I want mommy!"_

_"Shut up Alfred! You're both staying with me. No matter fucking what, your both stuck with me." The yelling woman sounded angry. "Its not like I fucking wanted to take care of both of you little shits!" The woman gripped the steering wheel tighter, stepping harder on the gas pedal. It had to rain that day._

_"I want my mommy!" Alfred began whining and thrashing in the backseat. Little Madeline sat completely still. Thunder could be heard._

_"Shut up! Your stupid mom is fucking dead! You're never going to see her ever again!" The woman slammed on the brakes causing little Alfred to fly forward. He began crying. Madeline found herself on the floor._

-oOo-

"Yo Birdie!" A loud voice startled the young girl. An albino guy sat himself in front of her. "What's up? Me? I'm being awesome!"

She sat at her desk trying not to look at the cocky albino.

"Hey, wha- Are you trying to ignore the awesome me?" He waved a hand in front of her face. "Come on! Ugh, fine, sorry for whatever." He rolled his eyes.

"Mr. Beilschmedt out of my class room!" The Geometry teacher tugged the albino's arm and led him out.

Madeline sighed in relief.

"You okay Madeline" A concerned Toris tapped her shoulder.

"Y-yeah." Plastering a false smile she giggled "That guy is a-a-"

"A jerk? Yeah he is." Toris finished her sentence. The final bell rung. Class began.

Half way through class a neatly folded yellow paper landed on her desk. She inspected the folded paper. Her first name was neatly written on the flat side. It looked like a note for her. Looking in the direction where the paper came from she saw no one that would give her such a note. She carefully unfolded the paper.

_Would you go to the dance with me? -Your Secret Admirer _

She blinked a several times. 'Someone wants to go to the dance…with…me?' A small flutter in her chest had her smiling. 'who is this from? It can't be Toris, he's taking Felix I think. Maybe it's a prank?'


	8. How Soon is Now?

_I remember the first time I started playing with sharp objects. My aunt, she, well, she was always so out of it. Yes, I still remember clearly. It was about a month after mother's funeral. My aunt told me things I did not want to believe. She told that my mother was always the one with all the attention. That she was always the favorite. While my aunt was the 'other child'. It didn't make sense at first. Well what do you expect from a six year old? But years later, I understood. I understood what it felt like not being noticed. If I were to be noticed, I would have been teased by the other little girls. Why did they do that? Well maybe they were just being little girls? Girls will be girls. They picked on me. It was awful. I told my aunt, and she gave me a knife. She said. "To defend yourself." Why was I that stupid? Why did I have to stab that other girl? Oh yeah, she was being mean. But I never got in too much trouble with that, just a slap on the hand. Then there was another. Alfred. He had more attention by his 'bratty' attitude. But, I cannot hate my own twin brother for being so 'hyperactive'. I was being good. She didn't have to lock me in the closet. It was his fault that he busted your deliveries._

_Yes, I remember the first time I started playing with sharp objects._

_Love Always, Madeline_

_She signed her name with swirls and a happy face_

* * *

"You should!" I watched Feliks' spoon fly across the table. "It'll be totally fun!"

"I don't really know." Fiddling with the bows in my hair I stared down at the note received earlier. It was the second note today. Same paper, same handwriting, same question. It was starting to creep me out. "I have to tell Aflie about this"

"What! No way, He'll go ballistic! Just keep it a secret! Fun is just right here on this piece of paper with scribbles!" Feliks slapped the table, startling me.

"Uh-h!" The bell rang, ending our conversation. Feliks immediately stood up dragging a confused Lithuanian with him.

"Just do it!"

I hung my head on the way to class. I wonder what I should do. Seriously? Whoever wrote this is probably a worse greedy stalker instead of creepy like… My mind went to the Russian. I felt my face get a bit warm. Someone bumped my shoulder.

"Sorry" Doubting that person would hear my whisper I stood next to a water fountain. My mind wandered to the cocky albino. Well he would just ask straight out, right?

I waited for the final bell to ring, so no one would bump into me in the crowded halls. Funny thing is that the hall is so empty and white; the white tiled floors make everything look bleak. I wonder if Alfred would go ballistic or go hunt down the anonymous person. To think about it, he would do both.

"Dobriy den' Madeline!" (Good Afternoon) A voice from the right of me made me squeal. In an instant I threw a blue pen, which I happened to be holding, in the direction the voice was. I was not expecting anyone to talk to me, even if was in a foreign language. Wait, who said that? Turning to see who the person is, a blue pen was waving in my face.

"You dropped something" It was Ivan.

"O-oh I-I… I'm sorry. You u-um startled me." I stuttered sheepishly. Looking down because I saw that the dirty floor was more interesting, I tried to figure out what to say. "W-wh... Um… What's up?"

"Were you going to class? Let me walk you there? Or were you ditching?" the Russian sounded pretty happy. I took a second to think about going to class. I shook my head.

"So you are not going to class? I happen to be ditching myself. Would you like to ditch with me?" My head shot up only to see Ivan smiling.

"Where to?" I lifted my bag to my nose hiding my smile.

"Anywhere you want to go"

-oOo-

"Here try this. It'll calm you." Long bony fingers held a white stick in front of the young girl's face.

"W-what is this auntie" The little girl's voice was barely audible. She took the object between her tiny fingers. Examining the object, it was dark green; it looked almost like chopped up lawn grass and clumped together. It smelled like sweet herbs of some sort. She licked her thumb that had contact with it. It was sweet with a tang of sour. Her amethyst eyes looked over at her aunt. Her aunt looked like she was about to fall asleep but nodded urging the girl to try it.

"Come on, Just put the joint* to your lips and inhale. This stuff is a lot easier to take than a cigarette." The woman leaned closer to the girl. "Here like this Madeline." The woman took the object, lit it, and then inhaled. "Hold it in for seven seconds" She spoke while holding her breath. The seconds passed by slowly. She exhaled. "Remember to exhale slowly. Now you try."

Madeline took once again took the object between her tiny fingers. She glanced back her aunt then back at the skunk smelling grass. A lighter was lit in front of her. She put the paper end to her lips and leaned towards the small glowing flame.

-oOo-

"Madeline" A concern voice shook me from my thoughts. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Ah, yea, I was just thinking" I looked across from myself to see a skeptical face.

"Alright, but if you feel unwell just let me know." He smiled again. Why are his smiles always so… Childish? Well he does have a kind looking face. "M-madeline, you keep zoning out."

"This ice cream is so good though!" Great excuse. "How does yours taste?" Did I really just say that?

"Taste it." He held a cone with a ball of melting cream and topping near me. I tried to pry the cone from his hand. He refused to let go, instead he kept his usual smile. I think he scared the guy working here with that smile. I felt a slight blush on my face as I leaned closer to the cone. My tongue met the frozen treat. It was creamy and sweet, and the cookies made it even better. "Its good, da?"

I nodded, my face was still warm.

* * *

The * stuff:

Joint- People, you should know what that it. And my aunt was someone who did a lot of this, so I tried many types in the past.


	9. A Strange Day

"When were these put up?" I pointed to a pink cardboard heart stapled to the wall above a random water fountain. I looked around. There were more decorations. Pink hearts, pink streamers, red cupids hung from the ceilings and walls.

"They've been up since last Friday Madeline-san." Sakura giggled.

"How did I not notice any of these?" I groaned then slapped my forehead. "Seriously, I really did not see the giant pink hearts, or the decorated…bathroom doors?... Eh, that's an odd thing to do."

"Yes, that is odd. Oh yeah, Madeline, are you going to the valentines dance?"

"Eh?" I thought about it. Still thinking about it. "When is it?" I already knew the answer.

"Its Monday of course! I thought you like knew that! You know, Mondayyy is Valentines dayyy, duh." Feliks popped between Sakura and I. He flipped his blond hair back. "We all totally need to go out this weekend and buy like cute dresses!"

"Yes you are right" Sakura sounded pretty eager. "And you will join us Madeline-san?"

"U-uh yea-h" The loud ringing of the second bell made us three jumped. "See you during lunch." I waved them both off.

-oOo-

_"Okay this is what I'll teach you! Red Lipstick and eyeliner is all you need!" Madeline's aunt blew perfect O's of smoke. Amethyst eyes watched the doughnut smoke fade away wishing something similar to herself. "But if you wanna go Who-a(Whore) then add blush and mascara. Got it?" The woman's voice was very scratchy. It sounded so similar to Courtney Love's voice, except more aggressive._

_"Y-yes_"

-oOo-

After rinsing my mouth from the rancid taste I felt a sting in the back of my throat. That feeling has been there lately and it hurts more than usual. Why? Maybe I'm just… just-

"Madeline-san are you ready to go?" I could hear Sakura's soft calm voice faintly through the door. I could hear two other voices. I'm guessing, Yao and Alice.

"Yeah" I plastered my best smile then exit the bathroom. "Ready"

-oOo-

"Okay, now look. This one is like really cute! But Omigosh! This blue one just makes my waistline look so tiny!" Feliks kept pulling dresses off racks that engulfed Toris with petticoats and lace. Madeline was awkwardly watching wondering how she became friends with him.

"Feliks we have bought the dresses and heading for something to eat, aru." Long pause "Hey, are you ready?" Yao knocked on the changing room door.

"Uh no!" A green dress was tossed from the changing room landing on Yao's head. "Toris and I will meet you there, mmk?"

"Yeah, whatever" picking up their shopping bag the group made way to the food court.

"Oh, I left my wallet with Toris! I'll be right back" Madeline waved at the group then up the escalator she went. The walk to the clothing store took longer than necessary.

"Hey birdie!" She recognized that cocky voice. Ready to sprint a tall albino figure blocked her. "Yo, birdie I said 'Hey!', come on talk to the awesome me!"

Rolling her eyes she sighed "Hey, what do you want?"

That cocky laugh. "So are you going to accept to me my date?" Her eyes widen. "Yep, I sent you those two awesome notes!"

She wanted to kick the albino in the shin but instead she came up with a rude answer. "That was you? Not to be mean but you write like a girl" Her words were 'bitchy' but she fiddled with her skirt and looked down awkwardly making every moment looking so innocent. She mentally smiled when Gilbert had nothing smart to say. "Um well bye"

Relieving from the state of shock Gilbert puffed out his chest and smirked "Yeah, well I'll pick you up for the dance than." He walked off before Madeline could protest.

As for Madeline she was really pissed off.


	10. Heading for the Disco?

Why? Why were my wrists starting to itch? They were itching to be scratched, to be raw, to be cut. I could feel my fingers twitch wanting to feel the cold blade in my grasp. It has been a few days since I've last…

"Like whoa! You look hot!" I snapped my head away from the window when Felix's barged into my dorm room. His dress looked really good on him. It was a pastel pink flapper dress with silver looking straps. Thin silver lining stopped just below his slim hips with the flowing skirt just an inch below his knees. For a moment I thought he was a girl, because it looks like he's wearing a…bra.

"Felixs! Get out!" the right side of Sakura's geta sandal flew to Felixs' head, whom dodged it letting it hit an unaware Toris. "Oh I'm sorry Toris!"

"Ah no I'm okay, here's your wooden sandal Sak-" Toris looked away blushing. The tiny Japanese girl wondered why the Lithuanian was suddenly quiet.

"Sakura, your kimono" I covered Sakura's brightly colored bra with my science book. "A-at least it looks good o-on you. Heh" Horrible joke.

"Hey, Saaakura, you okay sweetie?" Felixs snapped his fingers in front of a mortified Japanese girl. "Like come on, let's go in here and fix your robe!" The blonde polish student tugged her into the bathroom.

There was an awkward silence between us until. "Hey birdie, wassup! The awesome me is here to pick you up!" Yeah, that guy arrived. I looked over at Toris for help. No use, the loud Gilbert was giving him a death glare. "Who is this unawesome guy?"

Already feeling irritated I walked out the door with the loud German tailing me.

-oOo-

He paced back and forth in his room, wondering. Go to the dance or not? He never liked dances or any sort of major school activity. But his crush would be there. Maybe she wouldn't want to have one dance with him. Maybe she preferred that cocky Prussian. He kicked the edge of his bed.

"This is a tough decision."

-oOo-

In the far corner of the courtyard his violet eyes scanned the pink hue room looking pass the crowd for a certain someone. He was getting impatient and now feeling like an idiot for actually coming. He assumed the cocky Prussian(German?) got to the girl. Ready to leave a random curl was sticking out from the crowd caught his attention. It was not the Italian curl or the weird American cowlick, but an obvious stubborn curl bouncing pass other heads. As the crowd parted he gasped.

His eyes trailed from the bottom hem of her purple dress that swept the floor with ease, then up to her arms seeing a black lacey cardigan. Her hair was not in pig tails but down and curled at the ends. She did not look very happy though. This made him frown. Trailing behind her was the Prussian grinning like he won the lottery. There walking through the crowd was Madeline, someone he took interest in rather than harming. He watched her stride through the crowded room dodging the unbeknownst peers.

He waited for his chance.

-oOo-

Madeline waited alone at the overly decorated table. Her 'date' took off moments ago without a reason. She picked at the white lace on the table, ripping them apart carefully.

-oOo-

"Yo! Nazi! What the hell are you fucking doing!" Alfred grabbed the Prussian by the collar shoving him against the wall. The girl the albino was flirting with seconds ago took off quickly.

"Hey, Burger breath, long time no see, I was just talking to that girl about homework!" A smirk spread upon Gilbert's face.

"You're doing this? What are you a man whore? You're taking my sister to the dance!"

"OH so you approve of the awesome me!"

"Hell no!" He forcefully shoved him to the ground. "You better fucking leave or I'll break you in half!"

Not the one giving up on a fight, he shot back up brushing off the imaginary dust. "What wrong in taking a cute girl to the dance?"

Alfred was way passed his boiling point. Finding out that the albino has forced his sister to the dance from the cross dressing guy was not the great to find out. He started cursing then running off from Alice(His date) just to save little sister. Being the hero he was, he was not going to cause Madeline any distress so he waited anxiously for Gilbert.

"Mr. Jones" A familiar elder voice came from behind. "You boys playing nice?"

Releasing his vice grip Alfred did his signature laugh. "Yo Dean man!"

"Hey Dean sir" Gilbert cackled at the failed attempt with the obvious annoyance.

"Both you will not cause any trouble at all. Got it" The man stared at both boys with serious brown eyes. "Well now off and enjoy your dates." The Dean waltzed back into the courtyard where loud music and chatter momentarily engulfed the hall then to a low rumble when the blue door closed.

Gilbert smirked the turned to the steaming American. "Yes, I will very much 'enjoy' Maddie." He dashed back into the courtyard in a victory laugh.

"Nazi! Get back over here!" An idea struck Alfred, like that star shaped popsicle that struck Alice's forehead once. Stopping midstep he swiftly ran down the dark corridor away from the noise.

-oOo-

"Hey birdie! Sorry I took forever, I'm just so busy with my awesomeness!" An arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"Then leave if you're too busy then" I was at the brink of slamming my head against the table.

"Huh, what was that? My awesome ears can't hear your tiny voice!" Now he was yelling, literally into my right ear. I think he spit in there. Glancing over to where the drinks were, I saw Sakura and Yao sending me apologetic looks. I don't blame them for this though. "Hey birdie let's dance!"

"N-no!" He snagged my wrist in a vice grip nearly breaking it and dragged me where others were dancing. A fast cheesy pop song was playing. God it was a headache song.

"Come on, move your ass like this!" He grabbed way to close to my butt and tried to grind me against him. I squealed and slapped him hard. Something I've wanted to do all night!

Looking up at the Albino's face I saw anger. Taking cautious steps backwards I watched him slowly stalk towards me with a stare if he were ready to beat me. For a moment I was scared as he tightly gripped my upper arms, then I was saved by a loud familiar laugh. Alfred slapped the back of his head and held up a… yellow plushy bird?

"Hey, Look what I found!" He tossed the bird plushy up and down. Gilbert's attention was on my brother but did not release my arms. The tension between the two was chilling. Gilbert had a very pissed off look and as for Alfred he was dead serious.

"You idiot American!" Gilbert shoved me to the ground leaving me behind. Funny, no one noticed the small dilemma happening seconds ago. I wonder if anyone would actually notice if he went on and hit me across the face in the middle of dance floor.

A hand was held out before me. Tracing the limb to the owner I gasped. "I-Ivan?"

"Da, are you okay?" Accepting his hand he easily helped me up.

"Y-yes" My face felt warmer by the second once I realized I was being held close to his chest…


	11. La Vie en Rose

As odd as this may be I actually like being this close to Ivan…

-oOo-

It was the right moment. Alfred swooped in and saved Madeline from the clutches of evil, then she was helped up by the tall Russian, Ivan. Could this one moment get any more magnificent?

-oOo-

She was in a daze when a familiar song, a slow song, not a fast pop song, but a song that made time slower, a song she remember that was her lullaby from many years ago. The record would release the loud trumpet and deep melodic voice of Louis Armstrong, her early encounters with jazz, but she also remembers the French version. In French she would hear a song her mother swayed, she would hear a song her father hummed, a song that her tiny self would memorized as she watched two lovers, both parents dance to. Upon the warm arms of the tall Russian she felt safe, very safe.

Without knowing she and her companion were swaying side to side to the song. She felt as if the song flowed through them both lifting them. Closing her amethyst eyes she pressed her head closer to his chest hearing the rhythm of his heart beat suddenly faster

-oOo-

His arms wrapped around the slender girl as he knelt closer to her warm embrace. He recognized the fragrance, very sweet, like maple. Immediately he felt weightless; he felt if the only weight he had was his heart and keeping it beating was the girl he was swaying with. He wondered if she was feeling the same at the moment. Ivan remembered the song so clearly. Like it was just yesterday as he watched his aged grandparents twirl around in a crowded ballroom like they were the only ones there, and smile, he loved this song. The song made things seem if nothing has ever happened. Like if he were still there, five years old watching two aged people dance like it was their first meeting. Now feeling the girl he was holding, he felt what his grandparents felt so many years ago.

The song ended, time resumed.


	12. Morning!

_I really liked dancing with Ivan. This may be cheesy but it felt magical. I wish I could speak with Ivan at the moment but there are other things going on… I am so going to kill Alfred later. There's a rumor going around that him and Alice did you know what… If that's true then I will give him a long talk about the female body. No matter how much he complains._

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Madeline_

She signed her name with swirls and a smiley face.

* * *

She sighed running her hands through her tangled her. Last night's makeup was smeared but she didn't care who saw her, if anyone really did see her, she angrily shoved her arms through the sleeves of her sweater and marched through the February snow to her brother's dorm.


	13. Asleep

I had that dream again. The dream reminding me why everything fell apart.

* * *

My head felt groggy as left class. I noticed Ivan has not been in class lately. Which is odd because I always see him before and after school, Maybe his schedule changed. Right now it doesn't bother me much, because all I want to do is go make a cocoon out my blankets and sleep. Yeah, sleep. It sounds nice.

* * *

_1:17 a.m._

_Another sleepless night. She kept tossing and turning; laying on one side of the bed to the other, on the floor, even under the bed. Nothing worked. Not even the songs that would echo through her head would be the perfect lullaby._

_With a deep sigh Madeline reached under her mattress, pulling out a book._

_It's been a few days since I've last wrote in my diary, journal, secret book, or whatever you are called but you don't have feelings, right? …. Right?_

_Lately I have not been sleeping. I keep having those dreams. I dream that my mother is alive, but at the same time, dead. Like one of Alfred's horror film creatures, a zombie. But that so called 'zombie' is my mother, and she was not devouring anyone, no. In my dream I would see her being happy, talking, and looking alive, but she is not. Someone from my dream would point out that she was dead, and that dead people are not supposed to be there. Or here._

_Two weeks before my mother left, my uncle, her younger brother, fell asleep and never woke up. I was there at morning when he was sleeping; I wondered why my attempts to wake him didn't work. Hell I was only a child, I didn't know what a dead person looked or felt like until my uncle didn't wake up. I find it funny because I remember so much now. It's like everything from the past that I blocked out is cramming itself back into my head and torturing me. I remember a couple days earlier my mother was looking out the window admiring the December weather she spoke to me saying that her brother was leaving soon, and that he'll be getting things ready. I didn't understand at first._

_The night before I dreamt of my uncle. He was cooking in death. Even in life, he cooked, he was a really good cook. My dream had him owning a restaurant of his own, wearing a black chef uniform, because he always loved the color black, and I sat on a stool with Alfred enjoying ice cream. There was no one there, I don't know why but no one was there. It was scary, why?_

_My uncle's sleeping form haunts me. But what haunts me the most is my mother's eyes. Her blue eyes. I saw them with diminishing life as a very young age._

_Love Always,_

_Madeline_

She signed her name with swirls. Just swirls.

* * *

4:37 a.m.

In another two hours my alarm will go off telling me it's time to get up. I'm already up though. So I'll turn off my alarm. I won't go to sleep. I feel like I won't ever sleep again.


	14. You Are My Sunshine

_*You are my sunshine, my little sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey…_

That song ricocheted throughout my head today. I wasn't tired, even though insomnia was kicking my ass at night. I was fully awake, replaying that song over and over in my head. The song keeps repeating. It's not happy lullaby you would hear a cheery person would sing; it sounds soothing and eerie.

* * *

_I decided to not go to class today._

_Today is cold; I'm outside on the roof of the girl's dorm today. The school roof was too much of a walk to get too. I keep thinking about my past now. I don't know how, but I thought I blocked everything out, and now everything is coming back at me all at once. My head hurts, and I'm hungry. But I'm not tired though._

_Our stepfather told Alfred and I mother was sick, that's why she always carried around a dark blue purse with a tube and a device that beeps once in a while, but he said she would get better._

_My mother always said her stomach was hurting, but said was only a stomachache._

_When Alfred and I were children we would believe anything that our parents told us. Anything. Like when mother said that she wasn't going anywhere, we would smile and hug her frail body._

_Was I foolish as a child not to notice my mother slowly dying? Or maybe because I was just a child and not having a care in the world, but only knowing mommy and daddy are happy. Seemingly happy._

_My mother always said her stomach hurts. The doctor took out tiny black rocks one day. I didn't know what it was then, but now I'm older, I learned it was gallstones. She always said her stomach hurts, she lost weight really fast, I thought she was just exercising too much. One day she came back from the doctor, she told us that she was sick, but she will get better. I learned that there was something inside her, slowly growing._

_Every week she would make a trip to the doctor, she seemed so tired, dad seemed tired too, but mother was my main concern though. One day mother said she has to stay somewhere else from now on. I didn't understand at first. Every weekend we would visit her. She would be in a square room, the walls were beige, a TV sat across from her bed on top of a dresser. A large window peered out facing south, except there were trees blocking the view. That room was always so warm._

_I remember she when she had that purse, she said that she gets cold easily. Then she got even colder, so it was always warm in every room she was in._

_She looked like a skeleton. I compared my body to her body. Her body looked more skeletal than mine. The picture I have was a on Christmas day. Her skin looked so thin; I think maybe if I breathed on her skin maybe it would tear. Her bones jutted out more than mine, like it was tearing the flesh from underneath. This picture, why do I keep this picture?_

_It's time for lunch. Maybe I'll see Ivan today._

_Love Always,_

_Madeline_

She signed her name with swirls. Just swirls.

* * *

The sun rose, piercing the horizon with a cold orange glow, Madeline left her bed making her up to the roof for the cold February air. The yesterday before class began the annoying Gilbert gave her a pack of cigarettes, assuming she smokes or wanted to be a 'bad' girl. She could put it to good use.

Inhaling deeply, she felt the familiar burning sensation in the back of her throat. To her it felt good. Opening her book, she sat facing toward the rising sun. Hoping to feel warmth, all she felt was the cold air slapping against her face and the burning in her throat.

Slowly the pack smoke reduced to one "I don't like the taste of Camel*"

The lunch bell rang.

Maybe she could find Ivan today, and talk.

* * *

The (*) crap:

"You are my Sunshine" by Chelsea Wolfe: Just listen to the song. Its the song Maddie is thinking of.

Camel: It's a ciggy brand.


	15. Without a Womb

It was a slow Friday evening, Madeline was about to head into the shower when a loud rapid knock on her dorm door startled her. Sighing assuming it was Alfred with a big mac Madeline slowly cracked the door.

"Madeline" Emerald eyes greeted the Canadian. "I need to talk to you"

"Oh, hello Alice" Welcoming in the British girl, Madeline offered tea. Alice declined. Both girls stood awkwardly in silence. "So, uh, what is it y-you need to talk about?"

It was really awkward for Madeline to be talking with her brother's girlfriend. All she knew about Alice was her British dialects and she's been dating Alfred since Valentine's Day. Examining Alice closely there were major flaws in the sharp-tongue girl. Alice looked really tired and seemed to have been crying earlier due to the puffiness embedded beneath her eyes. It looked if she forced herself out of bed no caring if she was in a wrinkled uniform.

"Uh, oh where do I start?" Alice murmured. A shaky breath escaped her gnawed lips. Emerald eyes met amethysts in uneasiness. "Madeline, you're going to be…"

* * *

"Bloody hell!" Her hand collided with the stall door. Pacing back and forth she looked over her calendar. She counted the days, she counted the previous month, and it was all in order. An awful pit made its way to her stomach. "This can't be right. It just can't be!"

Things were going so wrong for her. It was too much to handle, and now this. She needed help from someone she deeply trusted. Even if it was someone she wished to never be related to. Pulling out her cell phone she quickly dialed.

"Allister, I need you to pick me up, please… I don't care if it's a four hour drive!" She pressed her forehead against the cool mirror. "I'll tell you when you get here."

The morning was hellish. Alice spent the morning classes worrying and counting the days like there was no tomorrow. She sighed. 'Why couldn't things go right? Yeah, I get good grades, and I have great friends, but why now?'

At home for Alice, things were not great. Her parents were divorcing, her brothers are leaving home, it just her and her little brother Peter. When everyone it together its nothing but arguing. There is no such thing as a family dinner. She was the only daughter of two over worked parents. She has arrogant brothers who constantly bully her. The reason for her coming to this school was the hope to escape the performance at home.

'I hope that jerk gets here before lunch'

Allister may be a jerk of a brother but he is the only family, besides Peter, she could rely on for this kind of situation. A lot of things could go wrong when talking to her brother about this kind of situation. He might get pissed off and go after Alfred or not get pissed off but still go after Alfred. Sure he might've had a number of girlfriends with these kinds of scares, but he should possibly know what to do. Alice rubbed her temples the twelfth time in that same class.

"Psst, Alice!" A very loud whisper disturbed her thoughts "Heyyyyy, come ooooon. You mad?"

No, she didn't want to face him. Not right now, when hell would break loose sooner or later. Alfred just had to keep whispering very loud though. Turning in her seat, Alfred sat diagonally from where she sat. "What you git?"

"Nooothing, I just wanted to see your reaction" Alfred didn't bother to try and whisper.

Turning in her chair, she was fed up with everything. With Alfred. With school. Before she would start sobbing the bell rang. Alice sprang up from her seat and sprinted to the school entrance. Her brother waited outside.

Quickly wiping her eyes, she straightened her back and walked emotionlessly toward her brother. He waited by his Hyundai Equus with his usual scowl. Alice and Allister didn't look related, her hair was blond and his was auburn, his eyes were a darker shade of green and he seemed more of the rebel type, Alice was well mannered and her flaw was her sharp-tongue.

"Hey punk, why'd you call me?" Allister opened the car door for Alice. 'Git' was the response. "So I already called the dean. Said I was taking my wittle sister out for lunch."

"How in hell can you afford this car?" Alice pinched the interior.

"Wanker, don't ruin the seat!" Allister slammed the breaks at the stoplight. "Learn some manners Alice!"

"Git!" Alice growled crossing her arms. Tears streaked down her cheeks, soon she was sobbing uncontrollably.

Alllister started to freak out. "Sorry! Sorry! I'll stop calling you 'wanker', just please stop crying!" He was in full panic mode. Alice never cried except when physically injured, but there was no open wounds or bones sticking out. Something, or someone did this. "Alice, tell me what's wrong."

"I-I missed… I missed m-my *hic* period, Allister. I think… I'm, I'm-"

"Whoa, whoa wait! Are you trying to say that you had your cherry popped?" Allister exclaimed putting the car to a sudden stop, "Have you ever heard of condoms? Christ Alice, who in the hell did this! I swear once I find out who, I will fucking tear that bastard in-"

"Allister! Please!" Alice covered her ears continuing her sobbing.

"I could I get you a…test"

-oOo-

As awkward as it may be to buy a pregnancy test, this is for his sister. There he was, standing awkwardly at the drug store in an aisle dedicated to pregnancy tests. There were so many choices. First Response, E.P.T, BFP, Clearblue. "How are these used?" he read the back label. "hCG? Menstrual? What's a menstrual? Hmm, must be a girl thing. Urinate? Girls pee on this? UGH!" He threw the box across the store. An elderly woman behind the counter looked over at him with a frown. "Heh, hi. Um which one of these is um good to use? Heh."

Of all places she had to do a pregnancy test inside the restroom of a restaurant. It was a nice restaurant though, they have great bread sticks.

"Alice hurry up, I'm getting weird looks from the hags" Allister had to go in the women's restroom with her. He tapped his foot rapidly waiting outside the stall. "Hurry! This old woman just winked at me!"

"Shut it!" She shook uncontrollably at she readied the test. Everything felt slow motion. From opening to the box to the toilet flushing, time felt nonexistent.

The one minute was agonizing. Alice paced the restroom mumbling. She was panicking. "Oh god, what if

I really am? I don't think I can handle that? I'm not capable of carrying a child! Damn it Allister, I'm only 15!"

"Calm down, this is possibly a mistake." He glanced over at the test that sat on the sink. "A plus is good right?"

* * *

"W-what?"

"I'm going to be an aunt?" She couldn't believe it. Alfred barely started dating Alice. They've only been at this school for almost two and a half months and Alfred managed to do something he can't undo. "What are you going to do? Are you g-going to tell Alfr-"

"No! Not yet! Not yet!" Alice shook her head violently. Tears poured down her cheeks. "I-I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I want t-to, to do!"

Pulling Alice into a hug Madeline stroked her hair hoping it would calm her. Both girls remained seated on the floor for more than 5 minutes.

"I'm scared Madeline."

"Shh, it's going to be alright. You have a lot of time to decide if you want to keep it or adoption, right?"

"What about… Abortion?"


End file.
